Depression; It's not all it's cracked up to be.

'Reality depresses me. I need to find fantasy worlds and escape in them' -Noel Fielding

I'm Leanne, I'm 25 and I suffer from depression...Yep, I am admitting this and yep I am putting it out there. This is the start of my path to happiness (ohh the chesse!)      

A few facts before we start:

• Depression is common-one in five people become depressed in their lives
• The single greatest misconception surrounding depression resides with it's cause
• The feeling of depression is deeper and more unpleasant than short periods of unhappiness 

Depression is still a very taboo subject and kept quite hush-hush. The numbers of people suffering from some form of depression re ever increasing but it is  topic that is still not readily talked about.

So...I guess I've had depression since about being 17-18, but I was only 'officially' diagnosed about 3 years a go. Yes I take anti-depressants and yes I've tried counselling. 

Being 100% honest counselling was NOT for me, I understand how it works for some people but for me I just didn't find it of any help. As a person I'm not very comfortable discussing my problems and issues with people. This in turn makes my depression worse. Lack of communication plays a major part in why I can become so down. 

I can't and won't talk to people about things that are bothering and upsetting me. Strange I'm doing this though eh?

I have  fear of letting people close to me, letting them know personal facts about me. In my delusional mind letting somebody get close to you ultimately leads to getting hurt. I don't want to be hurt, hence keeping people very much at arms length. 

So having to sit and talk to a complete stranger, telling them intimate things about my thoughts and feelings just wasn't going to work. Much to my Dr's dismay. I lasted about four sessions before I just never went back. 

I've stuck with the happy pills though, taking them each day in the hope of an overwhelming miracle where I'll become as happy as possible. Obviously this has not happened, haha. To be honest I don't actually know if they are working or it's just my mind makes me thin they are, if I take this pill I WILL feel better. The thought of not taking them scares me more than the thought that I could be on these for the rest of my life. I'm happy to rely on some chemical if it keeps me on an even keel. I have abused the tablets, it would be a lie to say I haven't. Taking up to four times the normal dose in a bid to be happy, feel normal. But in the long run it doesn't work for one it's not good for you and is basically overdosing and well as soon as you cut it down the happy feeling just disappear making the dark times 100% worse. 

The 'dark times' is what I call my low times. Depression is an individual thing, no two people feeling the same. For me it is like a dark cloud constantly surrounding me, blocking out happiness, fun and enjoyment. Don't get me wrong every now and again this cloud will crack and light gets through and I can be happy, I can be smiley, laugh and joke. The real me can be seen, I can be a nice person. But these days are becoming increasingly rare. The dark times are becoming more frequent and much darker, dense clouds trying their hardest to block even tiny streaks of light. 

When this happens I feel like I can't allow myself to have fun, to laugh, to be me. The desire to shut myself away becomes completely overwhelming. I despise this person, a person who pushes away people close to me. I tell myself I'm not good enough for them, they don't want to know me. Why would they want to be friends with me?...One of my biggest regrets is loosing the one person I have ever truly loved. I pushed this person away, trying to make them hate me like I hated myself. I did some awful things to this person, I should never have treated someone I loved so dearly that way. In the end they left and they have now found happiness of their own with someone who deserves them.

I guess I've always been good in my own company, I don't mind doing things alone. I've never really had masses of friends, even at high school. Just a small group. But at this moment I fear I truly have pushed any friends I had away. This is what depression has caused me to do and ultimately I will be alone and it will be all my own doing.    

I over critique myself, I over criticise myself. I could easily reel of a list of things I hate/dislike about myself. Where as as me what I like about me and it is much more difficult!  

Why am I writing this?           

To break this taboo of not talking about depression, to go against my own rules of not sharing my problems. One this is done, it's out there and there is no going back. I'm venturing out of my comfort zone and doing something in a bid to help me start my path to a happier place. Friends and family are going to read this, complete strangers too. But it feels like the right thing, at this time, to do. I am not looking for sympathy and I hope I haven't come across all 'woe is me' as that is completely not what this about. From the outside I'm just an average 25 year old girl but delve inside and I'm a different person. I guess what I'm trying to say is depression can affect anyone and everyone you can't stereotype people. Don't treat it like a taboo subject any more. 

I hope someone reads this and realises they are not alone in how they feel, if this can encourage at least one person to talk about how they feel some good has come from it :)

Oh Sudocrem, where have you been?!

Sudocrem gracing changing tables, nappy bags and babies bum's around the world. Now it's reached my make up bag. This is an all round amazing product and a must have for make up bags.
After waking up one morning to find the most humongous spot on my chin, that even industrial strength concealer couldn't hide, my all knowing mother pointed me in the direction of Sudocrem.
So off I trekked to Boot's, scarf wrapped around my chin, spot hidden from the world and headed straight to the baby aisle.

£2.55 for 125g tub....

As you can see this can be used for a multitude of ailments! People talk about beauty bag staples and this is one of mine. You'll always find a pot of this in with my face products. And the spot, well after applying a generously thick layer and leaving it overnight my spot was greatly reduced. Redness was down and it was hardly noticeable. Now if I feel a spot coming on I'll lather this on and leave it overnight.

Everyone should have a tub of this handy :)

I have a new love in my life...

...cross stitch <3 It's my new obsession.

hair today, gone tomorrow....

306142_10151710841420324_756700323_23742511_1604457670_n, a photo by naun87 on Flickr.

MIA....

Oh em gee, I am such a BAD blogger as of late! I've been super busy with starting a new job and this has kinda been put on the back burner...massive apologies!
But I'm back now....heeeey! haha

So I've been in my new job for three months and I love it! Also had a change in hair colour, I like it lot's :)

Everyone loves a bit o'bling

Decided, while I was super bored, to decorate my nails with a bit of bling :)

By naun87 at 2012-02-13

Polish-Barry M Pink Flamingo, Jewels-Broadway Nails

Nowhere near as good as these but maybe with a bit more practice, I'll become #amezballs at it, haha :p

By naun87 at 2012-02-13

Image from weheartit.com

By naun87 at 2012-02-13

Image from weheartit.com

So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, good bye

Today was my last day at work, I've been there for nearly 2 years. The longest I've ever worked anywhere since being 16! (I get itchy feet far too easily and have to move on).

As well as being able to finish early my lovely work friends got me a few surprise gifts, I really wasn't expecting them. Have to say, I did have a tear in my eye ;(

By naun87 at 2012-02-07

My lovely flowers! I've never, ever been given flowers before, it is so sweet :) I love the yellow Roses!

By naun87 at 2012-02-07

By naun87 at 2012-02-07

I love the fact that so much thought was put into my gifts...I got some wool and some bamboo needles, books of knitting and jewellery, little bits to make jewellery, a cute little ladybird mirror and some Haribo, Kinder Eggs and Chocolate Buttons...omnomnomnom they'll go down nicely!

Frizz free and silky smooth

After a slight accident, where I may have dyed my hair orange, I had to have it bleached to within an inch of it's life! And well it's now feeling rather sorry for itself and looking a little dry :(

Remember kids, going from Brunette to Blonde at home never ends well.

So I am now on a mission to make my hair super moisturised! As well as using my V05 Miracle Concentrate and Moroccan Hair Oil I treated myself to these little beauties...

By naun87 at 2012-02-06

I've never really been a big fan of John Frieda after using their Frizz Ease Serum and finding it made my hair lank and greasy. But after scouring the shelves of Boots I thought I'd give them another try.

First is Full Repair Deep Infusion serum...

By naun87 at 2012-02-06

It is supposed to 'Silken & Protect', call me sceptical but I always find this a bit of a claim! The product itself is rather watery and runny nothing like the thick Frizz Ease Serum. The bottle says to apply to wet hair and basically use sparingly. My hair is shoulder length and I use two pumps of this and find it doesn't make my hair greasy, but then again I swear my hair just sucks up moisture! I'm also a bit of a rebel and use it on dry hair ;o

Since using this I've noticed my hair is less brittle and dry looking and it also helps to control the frizz and any split ends. Out of 10 I give this product a rather good 8/10 :) I'm defiantly going to be purchasing it again!

Next is Full Repair Deep Conditioner...

By naun87 at 2012-02-06

Now I've been using this every time I wash my hair and have noticed a massive difference! I only wash my hair about 2-3 times a week (such a minga, I know :p) so can get away with it this often. But you could easily get away with using it just once a week for a moisturising boost.

It's described as 'intense repairing formula, with lightweight Inca Inchi Oil (?!), penetrates deep and repairs the look and feel of over styled hair, reducing the risk of breakage'. Whatever Inca Inchi Oil is it must be good stuff!

The product itself is quite a thin consistency, not thick and heavy like most conditioning treatments. My only criticism is the smell, it really reminds me of old ladies perfume...luckily it doesn't linger on your hair! I give this 6/10, I have used other deep conditioner which I do prefer like Lee Stafford one's but I am impressed at how different my hair feels just after a few uses and would recommend it :)

New year new start...

So I am massively late to jump onto the new year new start post band wagon, what with January nearly over! But I feel it's something that I need to do.

I admit I am a massively rubbish blogger and this is to drastically improve this year! I'm gonna blog until y'all sick of me ;)

Things are already changing for good this year...I have a brand spanking new job, I'm back to being an official blondie (goodbye my luscious dark locks) and I'm single and ready to mingle (well, maybe).

I'm the kind of person who rarely plans and takes what life throws at me, I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. Some people would hate my lack of organisation and planning but I like the unexpected! I'm not going to lie I don't plan for my future, I don't think what I'll be doing in 5 years time (god I don't even now what I'll be doing in the next 5 minutes!). This year I want to grab every opportunity that is offered to me, think along the lines of 'Yes Man'...though no going to Amsterdam to meet random internet people thank ya very much, haha.

I'm not really sure what the point of this post is, just a chance for me to waffle for the world to see (and bore you all :p).

Welcome 2012 and whatever you have to throw at me ;)

Beauty, to me, is about being comfortable in your own skin. That, and a kick-ass lipstick

How have I never seen/heard of Front Cover before?! I swear I must walk around Boots in some kind of daze!

While buying a few last bits for Christmas I decided to treat myself on the 3 for 2 deal, I mean it would be rude not too ;) After a bit of browsing I came across this...

20 lipsticks all for £16, I couldn't resist :)

I've swatched a few of my favourite colours...

(L-R Pink Papaya, Arson, Santa)

(L-R Roseate Tern, Glow Worm, Roseceaous, Firework)

(L-R Net Curtain, Amaranthine, Cats Nose, Chintz)

I love how pigmented the colours are and the fact they are so creamy! I also like how the box has lot's of tips and tricks for getting the perfect look, good for a lipstick novice like me :)

I can't wait to try more from Front Cover!

Boudoire Privie

Okay, so this is probably post number 65479856785 on Boudoire Privie but, bugger it, I'm going to do one anyway so :p....

This is my second Boudoire Privie box, I've already been receiving Glossy Boxes for a few months so as I soon as I heard about this I signed up ASAP :) And I am super glad I did! I was super impressed with the first box and now even more so with this one! Compared to the Glossy Boxes it feels like you get a wider variety of products and also are receiving more, which is always good in my book. So let's have a look inside this months...

(L-R: Cetuem Illuminating Mask £25 for 50g, Leonor Greyl Huile de Palme £24 for 95ml, Sundance Eau De Parfume

Memo £60 for 30ml, Rose & Co Rose Petal Salve £5 for 20g, KorresQuince Body Butter £12.50 for 150ml, Cetuem Creme de Lite £45 for 50ml, Studiomakeup Liner Style Pen Black £12 for 1.1ml)

What I like about these boxes is that I want to use everything you get and it actually includes things that I would consider buying. Sometimes the things you receive in the Glossy Boxes can be a little hit and miss. I am massively excited to use the Leonor Greyl Huile de Palme, I love trying out new products for my hair. This is a 'pre-shampoo conditioner' that basically nourishes dry hair. Which is always needed for my dry, frizzy mop :( I've never come across a pre-shampoo conditioner so will defiantly be trying this, plus it smells so lovely and rich :)

The Rose Lip Salve smells absolutely divine ( a bit like Turkish Delight, yummy!) and feels so soft and creamy too. This is a bit like Vasaline, an all round product. According the the description it can be used on lips, to tame eyebrows, on lashes, brow bones and cheek bones to give a nice shimmers glow :) You only need a little of this as a little goes a long way and feels so nice and instantly soothes dry lips, which unfortunately I suffer from boo :(

This perfume is probably something I wouldn't normally choose, but I guess that's the good thing about these boxes they introduce you to things you would never normally buy! It's quite a nice one to wear in the day and is light and fruity with Pear, Lemon and Bergamot in it :) I really like how it's a sample bottle with a spray top making it much easier to use unlike a lot of other sample bottles that just come in the little glass containers!

The eyeliner is something that I am also looking forward to trying. I'm always on the look out for a new eyeliner and I have high hopes for this one. It's a felt tip style liner which quite a think nib. I like how, as it's thin, it's good to use in the day for just a simple line but can be built up for night time wear to create flicks and a thick line. The nib is also super, super soft! I tried it on my hand the first line is just one application and the second is after a few coats...

So, I have to say that I love the Boudoire Privie boxes and have to say I prefer them to the Glossy Boxes. I am excited to see what I will get in November's box :)

In a Galaxy far, far away...

How have I only just found out about Galaxy nails?! Duh...

I love, love, love them so glittery, sparkly and I love space type things. So these were a must to try. I admit I thought they would be a little fiddly but thanks to tutorials from this Youtube video and Katie's blog. The end results looking like this....

Ta da!! :)

Models Own

I only own one Models Own Nail Varnish and I have to say I was never massively impressed by it! I just found it too runny and didn't like how it went on, so have always stuck to Barry M.

But whilst browsing Boots I noticed that Models Own had a 3 for 2 offer on and was instantly drawn in my the gorgeous colours they have! The fact that I also had a £15 gift voucher helped :)

(L-R Pearly Queen, Gold Rush, Champagne, In The Navy, Juicy Jules, Utopia)

The camera on my Iphone doesn't do them justice but the colours are just so lovely and shimmery. I have the say the Champagne is my favourite it's so dreamy and sparkly :)

I have to say I am now a Models Own convert they have some gorgeous colours!! I also treated myself to the legendary Wah Nail Art Pen...after reading about it on so many blogs :)

Everybody loves a panda

I'm lovin' this nail art malarky! Admittedly I'm NOT the greatest at it but ya'know, practice makes perfect :) Painting my nails is one thing I really miss! I always had them painted but now I'm a nurse it's a massive no-no :(...although I do sneakily paint them with clear varnish. Oh yes, I am *such* a rebel, haha.

Anyhoo this is my latest attempt to join the nail art bandwagon...Panda's on my fingers (everybody does indeed love a panda) and a Converse'esque design on my big toe. I am unfortunately not blessed with nice toes so couldn't fit the design on the rest of my little piggy toes, boo ;(

Art Attack

I have to admit I love anything nail art related, myself I am absolutely rubbish at it but love looking at what other people have done! I've also noticed a massive trend for nail foils. Up until now I've kinda avoided them as all the ones I've seen in the shops have been quite garish and not my style. Until I received these in this months Glossy Box.

Okay, so it's not the greatest design but I find it quite cute with the skills and flowers on them :)

I thought they would be super tricky to apply but actually they were surprisingly easy! I good tip I found on line was to heat them with a hair dryer before applying them. The heat makes them more flexible and they stick a lot better too.

I unfortunately have horribly shaped nails so it was hard to fit them perfectly but they do come with a range of sizes to fit most nails. Simply stick them on then cut them down to match the length of the nail :)

And ta da the end result....

(please ignore my awful piggy feet!!)

I still have my feet on the ground, I just wear better shoes

I had to share my lovely new pair of shoes! Mother bear bought them for me as an early Birthday present (which is Sunday, if anyone was wondering *hinthint*).

They are super comfy, perfect for dancing the night away ;)

(do ignore my fat canckles!)

Topshop

Mahoosive thank you kindly...

...to Franki for mentioning me on her blog for the Liebster Blog award! It is very much appreciated :)

Basically it helps to get people's blogs noticed which is always a good thing in my book, especially with some of the amazing blogs that are out there! All you have to do is make sure you post about the award and link to the person who nominated you and then pick three blogs and let them know you nominated them...simples!

So congrats to my chosen three...the first one I defiantly encourage you to follow as she is a very good friend of mine!!

Laura

Ash

Lucy

Frightened by the bite, though it's no harsher than the bark...

J'adore <3

I apologise massively for my complete lack of blogging these past few weeks but work has been super busy! I promise I will be much better in future :)

Art Attack

My first attempt at nail art with my new nail art pen...I'm rather pleased I must say :)

Barry M Turquoise and Pink Flamingo

Andrea Fulerton Nail Art Pen

Barry M Mint Green

Andrea Fulerton Nail Art Pen

Double Scoop Sundae

So yesterday me and my friends ventured off to the Ben & Jerry's Sundae festival in Heaton Park Manchester and had a fabulous time :)...all you can eat free ice cream and music, what more could you ask for?!

They had something for everyone, rides, a petting zoo, cookie decorating, stalls and lot's and lot's of free ice cream! They had every favour available...Cookie Dough has to be my absolute fave, nomnomnom :)

The headline act were Maximo Park, who I use to be a massive fan of. I forgot how good they are until I saw them last night! We managed to get right to the front and survived the mini mosh pit that erupted around us, eek :s Although, unfortunately, my shoes didn't survive the mass of mud and people jumping up and down on my feet.

Gary Numan was also there who I have to say was really rather good and obviously played the classic 'Cars'. But I can't think of Gary Numan without thinking of this, haha...

It was a really good day, the weather was lovely. It was just a nice chilled and relaxing day. I would love to go back next year, it was worth the £19.50 for the ticket :)